<![CDATA[简约.生活]]>

<![CDATA[简约.生活]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com jeric05 2624 <![CDATA[If ]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,15542097.shtml

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

— Poem by Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

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如果

如果在那些不知所以的人指责你的时候仍保持冷静；

如果所有的人都怀疑你，但你却仍能充满自信，并宽容别人的怀疑；

如果你能等待，而不在等待中放弃；

或置身谎言，而不被谎言所左右；（不用谎言去应付谎言）

或被仇恨，而不会向仇恨让步；（不用仇恨去回击仇恨）

而且看上去也不过分张扬，说话总是聪慧过人。

如果你敢于梦想，而不被梦想所主宰；

如果你会思考，而不仅仅只是为了思考而思考；

如果你能平静地面对胜利和灾难这两个伪装者；

如果你能容忍狡猾的人歪曲你说的话，并把它作为引诱傻瓜的陷阱；

或看着自己倾注心血的努力白白浪费，但仍拿起残破的工具从头来过；

如果你敢于把你所有赢得的东西只用投硬币来决定胜负，

而在输的时候一声不吭地重新开始；

如果在遇到宿命劫难时虽早已精疲力竭，

除了仅有的“坚持”这个信念以外，其他

已经一无所有时，依然能鼎力支撑；

如果你能面对市井平民，仍能保持自己的操行，

或者能与王者同行，而不忘本，

如果能让敌人和心爱的朋友都无法伤害到你，

如果你重视所有的人，但不过分重视于某些人；(所有的人对你如果你能把每一分钟都以“60秒冲刺“般来把握，

那么你就拥有了整个世界，

而且，更重要的是：孩子，你成为了一个真正的男子汉！

译者: 歌以咏志

]]> 2008-05-02 17:29:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,15542097.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,15542097.shtml#comment <![CDATA[The Restatement of Love]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,13796678.shtml The Restatement of Love
Reporters:
Jamie G. Heller?br> Gretchen Craft Rubin汉

INTRODUCTION

Custom has long been the authority in matters of love. Men and women have turned almost unthinkingly to tradition and prevailing norms for guidance in the tender passion. These informal social standards have never been organized into a definitive legal code, perhaps because love, the most intimate and idiosyncratic of human emotions, has been presumed unsusceptible to a structure of rules. The Restatement of Love, however, is premised on the view that love, like other aspects of human interaction, can be subjected profitably to legal analysis.

No doubt some will question the departure from legal tradition that the Restatement of Love represents, for while laws pertaining to marriage and divorce are well established, the law's application to a relationship's early stages has until now been unexplored. This lack of codification has created inconsistencies, unnecessary confusion, and pain. In order to remedy this deficiency, the Restatement of Love sets forth the comprehensive legal principles governing the conduct of relationships.

In codifying the underlying principles of love, the Restatement draws on established doctrines from other areas of law. It helps resolve recurring dilemmas (is brunch an appropriate meal for a blind date?) and adjudicate common disputes (is distance a bona fide excuse for a break-up?). Some contend that such matters of love can never be answered with rules of reason, and indeed, the claim has been made that "[t]he heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing."¹ By distilling a universal, reasoned framework for relations of love, the Restatement will refute this widespread, but mistaken, view.

The Restatement of Love consists of five Chapters. Chapter 1, Meaning of Terms, sets forth the basic definitions of terms employed. Chapter 2, Courtship, surveys the three principal models under which relationships begin: the blind date model, the informal acquaintance model, and the aggravating circumstances model. Chapter 3, Matters Arising During the Relationship, examines four major legal areas in which developed doctrines shed light on the law of relationships: jurisdiction, procedure, property, and torts. Chapter 4, Sex, addresses issues related to the initiation and conduct of sex. Chapter 5, Dissolution, governs the various aspects involved in the act of dissolving a relationship.

CHAPTER ONE
MEANING OF TERMS

This Chapter defines the terms used in this Restatement. Many commentators resist established definitions in the context of love and argue that traditional categories, such as girlfriend or boyfriend, are "crude and unworkable."² Some contend that such categories are mere constructs, designed to push people toward conventional relationships.³ But law, by its very nature, relies upon a common understanding of the terms that define it.⁴ This Restatement will employ the following neutral and modern terms in order to encompass the greatest number of possible situations.⁵

?1.1. Interest
An interest is the object of any human desire.

Comment:
Although this definition mirrors that found in the Restatement of Torts, Second,⁶ readers are cautioned that the term has somewhat different connotations in this field.

?1.2. Party
A party is any natural person engaged, or potentially engaged, in a relationship.

Comment:
Alternate and colloquial terms to describe the parties within the relationship include, but are not limited to: boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, partner, lover, sweetheart. Note that "ladyfriend" and "manfriend" are considered vulgar terms that are now in disrepute among all circuits.

?1.3. Relationship
A relationship is that status enjoyed by individuals who consider or comport themselves in a manner that indicates an ongoing romantic involvement.

Comment:
Alternate and colloquial terms for a relationship include, inter alia: going steady, dating, an item, seeing each other, involved.

?1.4. Love
Parties in "love" are those parties to a relationship who consider themselves engaged in the highest level of emotional intimacy attainable and who generally presume that such state will continue indefinitely.

Comment:
The English language contains no precise alternate term for "love." This fact is often decried as a constraint on the expression of emotional subtlety. For the purposes of this Restatement, however, one term is sufficient.

?1.5. Dissolution; breakup
A dissolution or breakup is any act by which a relationship is terminated.

Comment:
Dissolution may be accomplished by either unilateral or bilateral action.

?1.6. Sex
Sex is the act of sexual intercourse.

Comment:
Although some employ this expression to describe all forms of sexual activity including, but not limited to, the act of intercourse, the Restatement restricts use of the term to this single act, unless otherwise indicated.

CHAPTER TWO
COURTSHIP

Chapter Two reviews the three principal models of commencing a relationship: the blind date model, the informal acquaintance model, and the aggravating circumstances model.

In recent history, the blind date model was paramount, and in fact it still remains strong in homogeneous urban and suburban communities.⁷ A blind date may be arranged or may be initiated by one of the parties; in any event, this model is characterized by a mutual lack of familiarity. While blind dates are often decried as expensive, time-consuming, and futile, the model persists because, each time, parties' hopefulness overcomes the disenchantment brought on by previous disappointments.

Because the blind date model is so prevalent, and because the parties necessarily bargain at arm's length, certain practices have become standard for blind dates. Blind dates are highly structured, formal transactions.

In contrast to the blind date model, parties to the informal acquaintance model-who consider themselves, at a minimum, to be casual friends or within the same circle of acquaintances-are not bound by standard terms. The informal acquaintance model prevails in school and work settings,⁸ and its popularity has increased with the growth of coeducation and women in the workplace.

The aggravating circumstances model arises when, under the influence of some extraordinary circumstance or condition, parties unexpectedly come together. They may harbor an unacknowledged passion, a passing fancy, or be wholly unacquainted. Because of its unstructured and spontaneous nature, the aggravating circumstances model is acknowledged to be the most unstable and hazardous of the three methods of meeting.

?2.1. The Blind Date Model; Boilerplate Terms
Parties entering into a relationship through the blind date model are bound by the standard terms of the relevant jurisdiction. Standard terms applicable in all jurisdictions include the following:

(1) For a Saturday night date, the invitor extends an invitation on the immediately preceding Wednesday.

(2) The invitor calls the invitee at 3:30 p.m. or 9:30 p.m, or as near thereto as possible.

(3) In the course of the date, the parties eat a meal together.

(4) The invitor pays for meals and other date activities.

(5) Hopeless projects should be abandoned after three dates.

(6) Invitees and invitors should be screened in advance.

Comment:
a. Scope of boilerplate. The boilerplate terms and practices codified in this section have become standard after years of individual experimentation in blind dates. Insofar as the changing role of women in society has called conventional boilerplate into question, the Restatement's language reflects these developments. Parties may generally rely on boilerplate without further inquiry. Though individuals retain the option to contract around these default terms, attempts to depart from boilerplate may be regarded with suspicion.

b. Arranging the blind date. Wednesday has long been considered the proper day to call to arrange a Saturday night blind date. Calling on Tuesday is too eager; Thursday is arrogant; and Friday implies a belief that the invitee is available on demand. The Wednesday night caller acts reasonably, promoting the twin virtues of social efficiency and flexibility. Nine-thirty p.m., after dinner but before bedtime, is the most appropriate time to call an invitee at home. Three-thirty p.m. is preferable for a call to the office, because people generally doze at their desks or take a break at that time.⁹

c. Date activities; meals strongly recommended. The practice of eating a meal together on a blind date is overwhelmingly favored in all jurisdictions.¹⁰ An invitor chooses the date meal according to a multi-tiered structure that parallels equal protection analysis.¹¹ Dinner is the highest tier, signaling the most serious intent, because it entails significant expense, the investment of an evening's leisure time, and increased effort in primping. Just as a court, faced with an equal protection claim, employs strict scrutiny only in the most compelling situations, an invitor extends a dinner invitation only when the invitee is worthy of close scrutiny. Lunch, the lowest tier, is a casual part of the working day and is inherently less costly in time, energy, and expense. A lunch invitee is not subject to heightened scrutiny. If the first date is lunch, the invitor risks the appearance of ambivalence if he or she does not elevate the level of the second date to dinner.

In recent years, brunch has emerged as an intermediate tier.¹² This meal resembles lunch in time and expense, but connotes more familiarity than the workaday lunch. With its overtones of unmade beds, unshowered bodies, and lazy bliss, brunch promotes an atmosphere of intimacy. Combined, these elements warrant greater scrutiny than that necessitated by lunch, although somewhat less than that required for dinner.¹³

Note, however, a growing trend away from the activity of eating a meal, toward meeting for drinks. Advocates of this alternative praise its flexibility, in that it permits parties to enjoy the atmosphere and convenience of an evening date, without the expense and heavy time commitment necessitated by a meal. The invitor, however, risks appearing unenthusiastic, or worse, cheap.

d. Invitor pays. Historically, the boilerplate rule has been that the man pays for dates. Most jurisdictions, however, now follow the rule that the invitor pays, regardless of sex. This shift demonstrates the evolution of the common law, which had presumed that the man and the invitor were always one and the same. It is no violation, but a fulfillment of the spirit of the common law, that dictates that the invitor pays.¹⁴

e. Three-date rule. Parties often query how many dates it is reasonable to go on in order to assess the possibilities of a relationship. The three-date rule is now standard.¹⁵ More than three dates, without the promise of a relationship, poses the risk of abusive practices, especially when one party insists on paying.¹⁶ Even in the absence of bad-faith dealings, however, the three-date rule is a viable period of limitation that allows both parties to a "nonstarter" to proceed with their life business. Any shorter period may pose potential risks as well. A party may foreclose otherwise promising opportunities before discovery is complete.¹⁷ It is the exceptional, albeit possible, case, where parties know they can settle the matter after the first date.

f. Screen before the blind date. It is reasonable, indeed advisable, for parties to engage in pre-date screening. Parties generally speak by telephone before the first date, but telephone evidence is often of limited reliability.¹⁸ Though parties should refrain from operating in reliance, such discussions do provide ample fodder for a more thorough background check.

Independent investigation of the facts may entail interviews with classmates, work associates, and family members.¹⁹ Due diligence often includes an attempt to secure the party's picture. With the advent of facebooks in law offices, investment banks, and other large firms, photographs of most professionals are readily available for immediate faxing.

Jurisdictions are split as to whether due diligence should extend to allow the inclusion of all available information, or whether the hearsay principles of reliability and relevance should govern.²⁰ Some circuits lean toward an importation of the "fresh start" policy of the Bankruptcy Code²¹ and discourage consideration of past evidence that might unfairly tarnish an otherwise promising candidate. The majority view, however, is consistent with the liberal leanings of the Federal Rules of Evidence.²²

?2.2. The Informal Acquaintance Model
In considering whether to enter into a relationship, informal acquaintances should:

(1) avoid any tendency toward willful blindness;

(2) establish a claim of right through possession; and

(3) refrain from stealing corporate opportunities.

Comment:
a. Abusive practices; willful blindness. A common injurious pattern seen in the informal acquaintance model is conspicuous flirting toward a friend or acquaintance by a party who lacks any romantic intentions. In such a situation, either or both parties may convince themselves that the other lacks or possesses romantic interest. Such fraudulent behavior encourages reliance and may foreclose the innocent party from pursuing other deals. Willful blindness on the part of the flirt is also inefficient, in that it causes a misallocation of resources. Parties may eventually face sanctions for their willful blindness.²³

Illustration:

B is in a relationship with C but spends an inordinate amount of time with D. It is obvious to all that D is pining for B. When asked by others, B insists that B and D are "just good friends," and acts mystified or outraged at any suggestion to the contrary. B can persist in this belief only by deliberately avoiding discussion with D, because if asked, D would gladly reveal D's feelings.

b. Pursuit of the object: possession establishes a claim of right. The very informality of the informal acquaintance model gives rise to complications when friends and acquaintances develop overlapping affections. The ancient doctrine governing ownership of ferae naturae applies. The first person to establish a "claim" on an unattached newcomer has superior rights. Yet just as courts wrestle with the question of what action constitutes possession of a wild animal, interested parties may disagree about what constitutes a superior claim on a newcomer. Physical possession, or capture, is widely conceded to be proof of superior rights. More difficult is the claim of the person who has unsuccessfully attempted to establish a relationship, and who therefore feels a strong, though unrequited, attachment.²⁴ Ill will can be particularly strong when one party has long attempted to establish a relationship but has failed, only to see another succeed.²⁵

c. Corporate opportunity doctrine; exploitation by friends and acquaintances. Related doctrine on this subject draws from the notion of stealing corporate opportunity.²⁶ In principle, if a person does not or cannot avail himself or herself of a relationship, then others may pursue the opportunity with impunity. In practice, however, such doctrines rarely apply neatly or painlessly. Those aggrieved by another's success, but who lack a legal right to relief, often seek other avenues of redress.²⁷

Illustration:

A and C are roommates. A has had a longstanding crush on X, but has never successfully developed a romantic relationship. C meets X through A, and when C and X begin dating, A accuses C of exploiting corporate opportunity. Legally C is not liable, because A could not use this opportunity. Yet despite legal rules, informal relations within the household are sure to suffer.

?2.3. Aggravating Circumstances Model Parties who enter into a relationship under aggravating circumstances must be careful to ensure that it will survive the dissipation of the forces that brought them together. Parties should be alert to undue influences and proceed with caution, in particular, in rebound relationships.

Comment:
a. Circumstances conducive to undue influence. It is not uncommon for parties to meet at social gatherings at which the atmosphere is ripe for flirtation and sexual tension. Spontaneous passion may be induced by the consumption of alcohol, or other intoxicants, or by the arousal of intense emotion, such as that present at a wedding, reunion, or office Christmas party. While such a beginning may lead to a successful relationship, parties should be aware of the role played by these undue influences. The so-called "morning after" is not too soon to contemplate the wisdom and authenticity of the previous night's events.

b. Factors indicating rebound. The most prevalent aggravating circumstance is the rebound. A person on the rebound is almost always unable to evaluate a new relationship with judgment unclouded by the events of the previous relationship. While quick turnaround into a new, successful relationship is possible, a true rebound relationship is one that a party joins merely to be positioned in a relationship.

Rebound relationships occur with great frequency, and parties should look to the following multifactor test to determine whether a relationship is a rebound relationship: (1) amount of time elapsed from preceding relationship; (2) gravity of previous relationship; (3) degree to which party is inclined to be in a relationship "at any price"; and (4) extent to which party rationalizes drawbacks in the new party. If application of these factors to the totality of the circumstances indicates that the relationship is a rebound, parties should employ strict scrutiny to determine the sincerity of their emotions.

CHAPTER THREE
MATTERS ARISING DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

This Chapter addresses a myriad of legal questions that commonly arise once a relationship is established. It is organized according to the four major bodies of law on which it draws: jurisdiction, procedure, property, and torts.

?3.1. Jurisdiction
Adjudication of disputes is generally limited to actual cases or controversies. Accordingly, parties should:

(1) Refrain from deciding issues that are not yet ripe for discussion;

(2) Grant standing when appropriate; and

(3) Litigate moot disputes sparingly.

Comment:
a. Ripeness doctrine. A couple should not waste its resources by prematurely arguing issues that may resolve themselves. As in other areas of the law, claims should not be adjudicated until they are ripe.²⁸ Circuits are split as to whether discussion about the relationship's status is ripe at all times. Some argue that parties are always entitled to a forum to discuss the other person's intentions about the relationship.²⁹ Others contend that litigiousness in this area is tiresome and counterproductive. The Reporters advise adherence to reasonableness standards when parties raise issues about their relationship.

Illustration:

A and B, who have dated for two years, are beginning their senior year of college. A asks B whether B expects A and B to move to the same city after graduation. B demurs, considering the question premature and a possible source of conflict. A does not pursue the issue, because A recognizes that resolution is not yet necessary. Six months later, in the heat of corporate recruiting season, A must choose between jobs in two different cities. A raises the issue again. B agrees to discuss it, in the knowledge that refusal to do so would be unreasonable.

b. Special case: dealbreakers. Some topics are ripe for review at any time during the course of a relationship. These topics fall under the rubric of "dealbreakers." Dealbreakers are more than sticking points; they are irreconcilable differences. Common dealbreakers include whether a party smokes, does not read books or newspapers, refuses to wear a wedding ring, or insists that the couple adopt the same last name after marriage.

Illustration:

Jewish person, J, and Christian person, C, agree to pursue a relationship despite their religious differences and eventually move in together. When December comes, J refuses to have a Christmas tree in their apartment. J feels that this practice represents a degree of assimilation that J cannot countenance. C cannot believe that J would expect C to give up this important holiday tradition. If J and C cannot compromise on this issue, they face a dealbreaker.

Such disputes may seem insignificant, but in fact, signal larger, more serious differences. Parties are encouraged to identify dealbreaking issues as early as possible and to exit the relationship as soon as it is clear that a dealbreaker exists.

c. Standing doctrine. The standing doctrine--which concerns whether an individual can fairly be said to have cause to complain--presents some of the most complicated procedural issues that arise in the law of love. A party who freely enters into a relationship necessarily grants the other party some degree of standing. The scope of standing depends very much on the stage of the relationship, expanding as the relationship develops and increasing dramatically upon engagement. Yet in certain matters, such as one party's relationship with his or her parents, the other party may never have standing to intervene.

In recent years, the entire doctrine of standing has come under fire.³⁰ Commentators have criticized the requirement that parties show "injury in fact" before they may claim relief. These academics contend that the relevant inquiry instead should be whether the complainant has a source of relief under the disputed legal right. Critics maintain that the discussion of "standing" allows a court to skirt the merits of an underlying claim.

Illustration:

X and Y are in a long-term relationship. X is unhappy because Y gained fifteen pounds in the last year. When X tactfully tries to express a grievance to Y, Y retorts that X has no business complaining, because X is not materially injured. Of course, Y's weight may "hurt" X in numerous ways. X might be less attracted to Y, or may worry about Y's health. X certainly has an injury in fact. Yet under the newly proposed merits-based analysis, X has no claim to relief against Y. This conclusion follows not because X is uninjured, but because regardless of any injury to another, a person's weight is his or hers to control without interference.

d. Mootness. Legal treatments of mootness in matters of love vary according to whether the jurisdiction takes a prudential or declaratory view of relationships. Jurisdictions adhering to the prudential view hold that if an issue no longer poses an immediate tangible problem, it should not be discussed, because unnecessary disputes should always be avoided. In contrast, those that follow the declaratory approach argue that parties should air their views on contentious subjects, even if the issue raised in a particular instance has already been resolved.³¹ The Reporters support a presumption in favor of the declaratory view-parties generally benefit from full discussion-but caution that if taken to an extreme, this approach can become a sword, not a shield.

?3.2. Procedure
In the course of a relationship, parties should:

(1) Use discretion in adhering to principles of res judicata; and

(2) Pursue and permit discovery within bounds of reasonableness.

Comment:
a. Res judicata. This final-decision doctrine establishes that certain disputes, once settled, may not be revisited. Although the principle of res judicata is as deeply embedded in the law of love as it is in the common law generally, it should be applied with some discretion. In some cases a traditional res judicata approach is necessary in order to permit the parties to achieve repose; in other circumstances, res judicata is inappropriate, because some substantive issues must be relitigated and cannot be put to rest by a mere procedural device.

Illustration:

L and R have been discussing for months where to spend their week's vacation. L prefers to sit in the sun; R prefers to ski. After some heated debate, they settle on a vacation in Aspen. Soon after they decide, L notices an advertisement for special low airline fares to Bermuda. Nevertheless, the decision to go skiing has been made, and L cannot reopen the debate merely because of the lower airfare. To upset a one-time, relatively insignificant decision after exhaustive discussion would be unsettling and frustrating for both parties.

b. Discovery; disclosure of evidence. Evidentiary questions pervade relationships. Few parties can transcend the ever-prevalent tension between the values of candid behavior and strategic posturing. Some advocate use of an "open file" system, in which parties reveal without reservation their thoughts and feelings.³² Others prefer a more reticent approach, in which the parties disclose much less.³³ The Reporters favor the truth-focused approach. The Restatement recognizes, however, that this course may lead to unfavorable results under certain circumstances. Parties are urged to consult precedent.³⁴

Illustration:

A and B have been in a relationship for some time. A feels that A is in love with B. A must decide whether to disclose freely these feelings, or whether making such an admission would leave A in a strategically vulnerable position.

?3.3. Property
Parties may acquire various property rights in the course of a relationship, including affirmative easements for the use of personal possessions and rights of first refusal.

Comment:
a. Acquisition of easements. A party who regularly visits a romantic interest may acquire an affirmative easement in certain property. The burdened property may take the form of a shelf, a drawer, part of a closet, or an article of clothing. An easement may be created by any of the established methods, including express grant, necessity, estoppel, implication, or prescription.³⁵ Parties often welcome the creation of easements, because the use of one's property by another is an indication of intimacy. These property rights create a potential for abuse, however. For example, one party may claim an easement that the holder of the servient tenement does not fully recognize or approve.

Illustrations:

i. Easement by estoppel. W and P are just starting a relationship. In a burst of romantic generosity, W offers P the use of W's computer to prepare a r巗um? Two days later, P begins to write a term paper on W's computer. W is thereby deprived not only of the use of the computer, but also of the room in which P, P's books, and P's papers are now comfortably ensconced. P may argue that the grant was intended to extend to the use of the computer for related projects. W may counter that only a limited easement was granted, and that P has exceeded its scope. W is estopped from denying the existence of an easement, however, because W granted P permission under circumstances in which it was reasonably foreseeable that P might take on larger projects believing that permission would not be revoked.

ii. Easement by necessity. J and A have been involved in a relationship for several months. J lives in the city, and A works in the city but lives in the suburbs. A therefore cannot return home in the morning after a night at J's house without being late for work. Under these circumstances, A may acquire an easement by necessity for the use of J's closet to store clothes.

iii. Prescriptive easement. C continually uses Q's walkman without Q's permission. The use is known to many of their friends, and Q could have learned of it early on in the relationship through reasonable investigation. After a certain period of time, C has an easement by prescription, and Q cannot regain sole use of the item.

b. Right of first refusal. The parties to a relationship owe each other rights of first refusal in almost all leisure activities. Examples include invitations to parties; tickets to the theater, concerts, or sporting events; and vacation plans.

Illustration:

V and W are in a new relationship. V has an upcoming break from school and hopes to take a vacation. V must ask W to join V before asking another friend.

?3.4. Torts
Parties to a relationship are bound by the reasonable person standard, but only within reason. Parties owe each other a high duty of care.

Comment:
a. Reasonableness; "eggshell plaintiffs." Reasonableness is an elusive, yet compelling, concept in the law of love. The very idea of love implies that both parties can be themselves, however unreasonable each may be. That is, each party is entitled to be an "eggshell plaintiff," and each must take his plaintiff as he finds him.³⁶ Yet paradoxically, parties invoke objective reasonableness standards when their desires conflict. Despite the formalist view that a relationship is a haven for idiosyncratic behavior, parties cannot escape the notions of reasonableness that pervade society, and will advert to them when disputes arise.

Illustration:

V and K have confessed their love for each other. V indicates, however, that it is not in V's nature to speak the words "I love you" often. K has difficulty accepting that this is a mere idiosyncracy. K insists that it is reasonable to expect V to make regular references to V's emotions for K, just as K does for V.

b. Duty of care. Because parties to a relationship grow to know each other's idiosyncracies intimately, they are held to a high standard of care toward one another regarding these quirks.³⁷

Illustration:

M knows that P hates to be coaxed or bullied out of a bad mood and prefers to sulk. P will reasonably expect M to leave P alone when P is in a funk, even though an outside observer would conclude that P is being unreasonable.

CHAPTER FIVE
SEX

This Chapter addresses the issues that arise when parties contemplate or engage in sex. Sex is a watershed event in any relationship. When two parties desire each other, the unparalleled urge for gratification occupies the foreground, while issues of morality, childbirth, commitment, and death lurk in the background. Although sex itself can yield unmatched pleasures, the clash of these broader concerns can bring on confusion or even anguish.³⁸

This Chapter covers important matters related to the decision to have sex and the initiation of sex, and it sets forth the principles of equity that guide sexual relations.³⁹

?5.1. The Parties' Decision To Have Sex
Sexual intercourse is different from all other forms of sexual encounter, and once executed, cannot be revoked. Before engaging in sexual intercourse, parties should know their goals. Goals will be informed by the parties' status, that is, whether they are:

(1) parties to an established relationship;

(2) friends; or

(3) parties to a "one-night stand."

Comment:
a. Special status of sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is different from other sexual acts. Sex, more than any other permutation of sexual activity, invokes powerful social norms and health concerns, and presents the additional possibility of pregnancy.

The contention that sex is different, though facially simplistic, is consistent with the pervasive tendency in legal analysis to elevate certain acts, principles, or punishments to a higher significance.

For example, the written Constitution has long been recognized as the binding law on the Union of the United States--different from and supreme over the general statutes and regulations.⁴⁰ Similarly, because of the terminal nature of the penalty, death is not imposed before provision of a host of special procedural protections.⁴¹ And in the area of wills, a proper signature infuses an otherwise meaningless document with legal significance.⁴² Therefore the contention that sex is different is consistent with conventional legal reasoning.⁴³

Because sex is different, a party eager to participate in various sexual activities may nevertheless delay the onset of sexual intercourse. If, however, the other party wishes to engage in sexual intercourse, the failure to reach a meeting of the minds may lead to protracted disputes. In this situation, the ready party may attempt to persuade using the well-worn "constructive sex" argument: that is, because the parties have done "everything but," delay of sexual intercourse serves no purpose.⁴⁴

Illustration:

C is anxious to have sex, and K is hesitant. C contends, "You know we're having sex--what we're doing is sex. What's the difference if we have intercourse?" By resorting to the constructive sex argument, C has attempted to shift the burden to K to explain why sexual intercourse is different. C hopes that if K is unable to articulate why "sex is different," K will capitulate and have sex with C.

The constructive sex argument is seductive, but for the reasons given above, not ultimately persuasive.

b. The progressive nature of sex. Sexual activity progresses as by a one-way ratchet; once parties achieve consummation, they cannot retreat from that point.⁴⁵ While parties technically can stop engaging in sexual intercourse, parties to a sexual relationship cannot easily return to the status quo ante.⁴⁶ This one-way-ratchet rule applies to the several variants of sexual relationships. In an established relationship, parties who have had sex but subsequently attempt to desist will find this reverter nearly impossible. Parties who are friends, or who scarcely know one another, will find that sexual intercourse irrevocably alters their dealings. Because the act of sexual intercourse is both significant and irreversible, it is easier both to end a relationship altogether, and to maintain a friendship with a former interest, if sexual intercourse never takes place.

Illustration:

G and Q, friends for many years, find themselves having sex one night. Thereafter, though they try to maintain their former friendship, they no longer enjoy their once-easy rapport. Each is now preoccupied by his or her own expectations, and is concerned as well about the other's expectations.

c. Know your goal. One of the most common sources of dissatisfaction pursuant to sexual intercourse is the failure of a party to know his or her goal ab initio.

Most people have fully formulated their own standards and practices in sexual relations. However, at the very moment that the opportunity arises to put these values to the test, conflicting impulses may emerge. Caught up with the purported spontaneity of sex and nearly irresistible hedonistic urges, a party may feel inclined to disregard previously honed beliefs. The justifications for such abandonment of principle track those for homicide.

i. Necessity.⁴⁷
"I just needed it."

ii. Diminished capacity⁴⁸.
"I didn't intend to do it, but, overwhelmed by the moment, I couldn't think straight. Desire clouded my judgment."

iii. Heat of passion⁴⁹.
"I usually don't have casual sex, but after all, I'm not the kind of person who always has to stick to the rules. Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind."

As these examples illustrate, parties eager to have sex will not want for justifications. Because of the easy availability of facile justifications, parties should examine with care their motives--i.e., "know their goal"--before engaging in sex.⁵⁰

Illustration:

N returns home for Thanksgiving weekend and at a party meets T, whom N dated briefly in high school. Although N does not want to establish a new relationship with T, N becomes increasingly interested in a one-night stand as the evening progresses. N decides to have sex with T, but harbors no expectations besides sexual gratification. After their night together, N returns to school. Because N had not wanted the encounter to amount to anything more than a pleasurable interlude, N returned to school free from the burdens of expectation.

Formulating one's sexual goals is similar to structuring a transaction. Just as a single business deal can be arranged as either a sale-leaseback or mortgage financing to achieve different tax consequences, the same physical act may carry different implications depending on how individuals characterize it.⁵¹

In some cases, however, parties who think they know their goal proffer a goal which is, in fact, a sham rationalization. Such self-deceit may result in unfortunate consequences.⁵²

Illustration:

Q has only had sex with people whom Q loved. Now, though not in love with anyone, Q wants to have some sexual relief, and R, whom Q has dated a few times, seems suitable. Q decides that, despite Q's established values of viewing sex as "different," sex with R would be appropriate even in the absence of love. After Q and R have sex, Q feels anxious and upset about the casualness of the encounter. Q's ex ante characterization offers little comfort post hoc.

The above illustrations reflect the human proclivity with which law must constantly reckon: the pursuit of a perfect structure to capture all the benefits, and eliminate all the costs, of a course of conduct. Such efforts are doomed to failure.

In the corporate arena, for example, the "limited liability corporation" has recently met with excessive enthusiasm. This new entity purports to combine the limited-liability benefits of a corporation with the tax benefits of a partnership arrangement.⁵³ Surely it is only a matter of time before proponents of the fashionable limited-liability corporation confront the sad truth met by the champions of the sexual revolution: there's no such thing as free love.

The know-your-goal rule has different applications depending on the parties' status.

i. Sex within an established relationship. The most common context for sexual intercourse is between two parties to an established relationship. While sexual intercourse is commonly considered a medium by which the parties advance the relationship, this perception is false; sexual intercourse merely reflects the bona fides of the relationship. Sex cannot remedy or compensate for the weaknesses in a flawed relationship, nor can it be used to circumvent the laborious process of establishing emotional intimacy.⁵⁴ A fortiori, the introduction of sex into a strong relationship simply reenforces the parties' established emotional attachments.

Illustration:

B and C have a good and loving relationship. While B eagerly anticipated sexual intercourse with C, B feared that sex might change things. However, after consummation, their previous feelings and behavior toward each other continued unaffected. Sex simply mirrored B and C's well-established intimacy.

ii. Sex between friends. Platonic friends will, on occasion, engage in sexual intercourse. This situation inevitably presents the parties with a steep challenge to "know their goal." While a party may proffer the pretextual goal of easy, comfortable sexual intercourse with a familiar friend, in fact, one party or both often harbor a broader, albeit unacknowledged, goal. There are a few reported cases in which friends who have had sex remain friends; however, parties anxious to proceed should not rely on outliers. Few friendships can withstand the transition from friend to sexual partner, and back again.

iii. The "one-night stand." In this model, a party holds no expectations beyond an instant, single encounter. The one-night stand is perceived as the most promising means to costless, casual sex. In many instances, it fulfills that purpose. However, parties may find themselves dissatisfied or despondent, despite the expectation of an easy time.⁵⁵

Three factors may contribute to disappointment with one-night stands. First, parties who considered the episode an isolated event may feel disconcerted if they subsequently come into contact with each other, for example, at work or in school.⁵⁶ Second, because the first instance of intercourse often fails to provide the heights of pleasure that can be garnered after repeat encounters, only the simple urge for sex is satisfied.⁵⁷ Third, the better the one-night stand, the more a party wishes the encounter to repeat, and the more disappointed a party becomes when the one-time event remains just that.⁵⁷

?5.2. Initiation of Sexual Intercourse
(1) Women bear the ultimate burden of securing contraception.

(2) Parties should not rely on appearances when evaluating health risks.

(3) Parties may or may not literally spend the night together, but they should recognize that reasonable minds disagree on this question.

(4) Certain fringe benefits accrue to parties who engage in sex.

Comment:
a. Contraception. In matters of contraception, the woman is traditionally viewed as the least cost avoider, because the costs of pregnancy bear more heavily on her. This substantive difference tracks procedural burden-shifting rules.⁵⁹ The woman has the burden of proof, because she ultimately must judge the adequacy of the contraception used. However, to demonstrate his good faith, the man has the burden of coming forward to address the issue.⁶⁰

b. Protection. In matters of protection from disease, parties are cautioned against making assumptions about the sexual history of other parties. Just as derivative financial instruments may be highly volatile even though the underlying assets are seemingly risk-free government bonds,⁶¹ a party may bear the hallmarks of a safe bet when in fact he or she poses a sexual high risk.⁶²

c. Spending the night. After having sex for the first time, two parties must confront the issue of whether literally, physically, to spend the night together. Circuits are sharply split on the advisability of staying over.

Some hold that one party's departure in the middle of the night allows the parties to extend the romantic fantasy--free from stale breath, mussed hair, and other morning realities--and, more importantly, to retain autonomy at a critical juncture. These circuits emphasize that spending the night can be more intimate then sex itself and does not necessarily follow from sex.

Other circuits hold that a significant part of the pleasure--shared breakfast and daylight repetition of the previous evening's activities--would be lost if the parties separated before morning. They contend further that sex creates an expectation of a level of intimacy that warrants at least a full night's stay.

Because reasonable minds disagree so strongly on the issue of spending the night, the Reporters cannot responsibly advocate one position. Rather, the Restatement cautions that a party initially taken aback by another's approach should recognize that both methods enjoy ample support in the caselaw.⁶³

Note that to avoid "spending the night," a party must depart by 5:45 a.m.

Illustration:

D and F have sex for the first time. Long before morning, D awakens to find F dressing to leave. D looks on feeling shocked, disappointed, and rejected. D should take comfort in the fact that F's method, while perplexing to D, is considered objectively reasonable by some circuits.

d. Fringe benefits.⁶⁴ While circuits differ on the gravity of the emotional commitment that should accompany sex, they universally accept that certain fringe benefits accrue when parties engage in sex. While additional benefits may be granted, the following benefits are guaranteed.

i. Health services.⁶⁵ When one party is ill, the other party must secure over-the-counter medication (even if provision requires a trip to the drug store) and provide solicitous attention. The healthy party must also discharge any necessary chores until the other's recovery.

ii. Meals and lodging.⁶⁶ As long as a party stays at another's residence, the party is entitled to meals and lodging free of charge.

Illustration:

L gets up in the middle of the night and finishes P's carton of ice cream. P cannot reasonably seek compensation or replacement.

iii. Relocation benefits.⁶⁷ Parties must give each other automobile rides to home, work, or school if necessary.

iv. Loans.⁶⁸ Parties expect reasonable short-term loans at no interest.

v. No-additional-cost services.⁶⁹ These are benefits that do not impose any substantial inconvenience on the burdened party. They include, e.g., the purchase of items available in a store the party will visit in any event, the return of videos or library books, or the retrieval of dry-cleaning.

Illustration:

J lives next door to a hardware store. H, whose kitchen lightbulb has burned out, asks J to pick up a lightbulb on the way over to H's apartment. J cannot reasonably refuse to perform this minimal service.

?5.3. Maxims of Equity

The maxims of equity trace their history back to the very roots of the common law, and they distill into a few simple yet profound phrases the fundamentals of a principled system of justice.⁷⁰ "Equity" denotes the spirit of fairness, justice, and the proper regulation of intercourse between people.⁷¹ These general rules of conduct transcend all particular areas of law and apply with equal force to the law governing sex.⁷²

Maxim: Equity regards substance rather than form.
Application: The putative indicators of sexual prowess, such as big ears, big hands, and sophisticated techniques, are unreliable as well as inconsistent. It is the substance of a sexual encounter, including the degree of effort one makes to satisfy a partner, rather than any predetermined forms, that determines the likelihood of ultimate, mutual satisfaction.

Maxim: Equity presumes no right to be without a remedy.
Application: When engaging in sexual intercourse, each party should disclose his or her needs and desires to the other party when necessary. The practice of certain acts may dramatically increase the probability of mutual satisfactory resolution, but parties cannot be expected to employ all available measures without some guidance.

Maxim: Equality is equity.
Application: One party should not be expected consistently to assume the "laboring oar" in sexual initiation and energy. Sexual relations benefit when both parties play a role in facilitation.

Maxim: Equity delights to do justice, and that not by halves.
Application: Once a party initiates sexual activity, that party must, in good faith, undertake all reasonable efforts to allow the other party to reach satisfaction.

Maxim: Equity regards that as done which ought to be done.
Application: The withholding of sexual intercourse as a tactic of argument (the so-called Lysistrata strategy) is highly disfavored. Parties are counselled not to use sexual intercourse as a weapon, particularly where the issue at bar is unrelated to the act.

Maxim: Equity favors the vigilant, not those who sleep on their rights.
Application: Although no party should feel obliged to have sex against a strong disinclination, the presumption lies in favor of sexual intercourse for parties in a sexual relationship. The reason is two-fold: first, parties who regularly engage in sex generally benefit from having more sex rather than less, and second, sexual rejection--even from a familiar and well-loved partner--is distressing and may be destructive if recurrent.

Maxim: Equity bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Application: Because of the vulnerability that necessarily accompanies sexual relations, parties should afford one another tolerance, understanding and empathy.

Maxim: He who seeks equity must do equity.
Application: A party must strive to satisfy a sexual partner as well as to seek satisfaction for himself or herself.

Maxim: Equity will not aid a wrongdoer.
Application: An unfeeling party who criticizes the other party for failure to become sexually excited will not enjoy improved sexual relations. The critic only exacerbates the situation by making the other party feel inadequate or self-conscious.

Maxim: Equity follows the law.
Application: As set forth in this Restatement.

CHAPTER FOUR
DISSOLUTION

This Chapter reviews the steps that constitute the dissolution process, the most painful stage in a relationship. It provides guidance in the decision to break up, the litigation of the breakup, and behavior after the breakup.

?4.1. The Decision To Dissolve
Parties should consult precedent in evaluating a relationship's future. In evaluating precedent, however, parties must take care to avoid excessive reliance on outliers.

Comment:
a. Value of precedent. When deciding whether to end a relationship, parties may wish to consult the wealth of precedent generated by the experiences of similarly situated friends.⁷³ Friends can convey information about their own cases, as well as references to other cases with which they are familiar. When consulting precedent, parties should take into account factors that may distinguish their cases. Differences in religion, ethnicity, race, age, or regional background may lead to very different outcomes in apparently similar cases. Whether the parties are in school or out of school may also have important consequences.⁷⁴

Illustration:

F considers breaking off a relationship with K because F believes K is not ambitious enough. F should consult prior cases concerning diverse topics such as: the benefit or detriment of matched ambition between parties; countervailing benefits of greater emphasis on family; one party's security with the other's greater ambition.

b. Outliers disfavored. In examining precedent, parties are often tempted to continue research until they find an "outlier" case that supports the desired outcome. Such efforts are highly disfavored. The very fact that a party must search for an outlier demonstrates that the desired outcome is contrary to the common experiences of the age.

Illustration:

D begins to date L but feels unenthusiastic. D continues to date L for months, hoping that passion will spark. Throughout this period, D consults with friends, seeking precedent to legitimate D's hope that the relationship can gain momentum. D grasps for an outlier to support this behavior. Instead, D should recognize the well-established principle: "When it's not there, it's not there."

c. Special circumstance: long-distance relationships. An entire line of cases is dedicated to the special problems of long-distance relationships. No party should end a long-distance relationship without consulting this well-developed body of doctrine, which considers heavily litigated issues such as: frequency of communication and expenses arising therefrom; the ability to see other people; whether the relationship would benefit or suffer if the parties were together; and whether one party should sacrifice interests in order for the couple to live near each other.⁷⁵

?4.2. Motions for Dissolution
Once a party has decided that a breakup is warranted, that party should promptly move for dissolution. In initiating dissolution proceedings, the movant should assert grounds honestly. Extreme tactics such as constructive eviction are highly disfavored.

Comment:
a. Grounds commonly invoked. It is common for the moving party to justify the proposed dissolution on several grounds, both procedural and substantive.⁷⁶ Often, moving parties take refuge in procedural, rather than emotional, grounds, and elevate form over substance to avoid a painful confrontation on the merits. Procedural grounds may include: timing,⁷⁷ distance,⁷⁸ statute of frauds,⁷⁹ and outside pressures.⁸⁰

Illustration:

Y wants to break up with Z. Y claims the ground of timing, saying, "I'm just not ready for a serious relationship," to avoid acknowledging that Y is simply not interested in pursuing this relationship.

b. Constructive eviction. Constructive eviction is a common tactic employed by moving parties who wish to dissolve a relationship, but who lack the wherewithal to articulate any ground at all, even pretextual. Rather than confront the anguish of breaking up, the disaffected party engages in conduct so unbearable that the opposing party finds the relationship uninhabitable. Such behavior often involves picking fights, refusing to return phone calls, breaking plans regularly, and conspicuously avoiding public appearances as a couple. The opposing party feels forced by the moving party's behavior to initiate the breakup. This is a form of fraud by the moving party and is highly disfavored.

Constructive eviction includes a subclass of cases that undergo "reversal." Such cases follow the pattern of classic constructive eviction, but just when the evictee is ready to resort to breaking off the relationship, the evictor reverses position and decides that now he or she wants to stay in and work it out. The evictee may, at this point, feel tempted to stay in the relationship. Generally, however, reversal is merely a temporary change of heart that occurs when a previously abusive party faces the prospect of a loss. Evictees should be wary of the sincerity of such sudden reversals in attitude.

?4.3. Defenses Available to Opposing Party
Regardless of the grounds invoked by the moving party, an opposing party is always entitled to plead the merits of his or her case. Parties may also seek notice to cure defects, or in extreme cases, attempt a leveraged buyout of the moving party's affections.

Comment:
a. Rights of opposing party. When the moving party offers procedural grounds for a breakup, the opposing party often holds out the hope that an appropriate defense will circumvent dissolution. An opposing party often will argue that the substantive merits of the case outweigh any procedural concerns the moving party may have. Such defenses, however, are invariably unavailing. A moving party intent on dissolving a relationship will ultimately prevail, no matter how forcefully the opposing party states the case. Nevertheless, exercise of defenses by an opposing party is not futile.⁸¹ Explanation by the moving party is the minimum relief to which the opposing party is entitled.⁸²

Illustration:

T moves to break up with L, on the grounds that their long-distance relationship is too difficult to maintain. In defense, L offers to move to T's city to remedy the situation. Faced with the prospect of L's move, T drops the pretext of long distance, and reaches the merits: T tells L that T is no longer in love. No defense on L's part will dissuade T.

b. Coming to the nuisance. When a movant provides a substantive reason for the breakup, the opposing party often raises "coming to the nuisance" as a defense. That is, the party asserts that the moving party was aware of the problematic condition upon entering into the relationship.⁸³

Illustration:

G moves for a breakup on grounds that H lacks a sophisticated sensibility to complement G's own cosmopolitan air. G points to H's Gap-based wardrobe and preference for early dinners as evidence of their incompatibility. H counters that G was on notice that H had grown up in the suburbs and was not interested in adopting an urban style, and G had proceeded notwithstanding.

c. Notice to cure. A moving party may put forward a meritorious reason for the breakup, upon which the opposing party may demand notice to cure, to say, in effect, "Give me a chance, and I'll change my ways." Because either party may terminate a relationship at will,⁸⁴ however, notice-to-cure is a privilege, not a right. A moving party who grants notice to cure is advised to take steps to protect his or her position during the cure period.⁸⁵ A moving party who grants notice to cure should allow a meaningful cure period. Short turnaround ultimatums are discouraged for the same reasons that the "Saturday Night Special" has been banned in securities trading. Exploding cure periods are considered coercive because they force parties to work under the pressure of an arbitrary deadline without the benefit of full information.⁸⁶

Illustrations:

i. Protecting moving party's position. N wants to break up because Q pays inadequate attention to N. Q promises to change, and therefore N gives notice to cure in lieu of immediate dissolution. If Q does not cure, and the problem continues, N must, at that point, break up. Q loses any incentive to cure once it is clear that N will not hold Q to Q's word.

ii. Meaningful cure period. C and D have been dating for a year. Although they have never discussed commitment, C tells D that unless they have agreed to be married within two weeks, C will terminate the relationship. D is thereby deprived of the time necessary to contemplate such an important decision. C is advised to allow more time before the expiration of the cure period.

d. Leveraged buyout/compromise. In the realm of love, the leveraged buyout is a last-ditch defensive tactic. An opposing party who wants to maintain a relationship can offer to deplete his or her resources (financial, emotional, or otherwise) as an inducement for the other party to remain. Use of this tactic poses severe risks to both parties, however. If a relationship is too highly leveraged, it can become dangerously unstable in the long term.⁸⁷

Illustration:

M, who wants to become engaged, offers to move wherever is most convenient for O, even if the move defies M's previously established preferences of being near family or working in a certain city. Even if O accepts this deal and satisfies M's short-term wishes, M is later likely to feel overextended and frustrated by the receipt of inadequate consideration.

?4.4. Adhering to the Dissolution Decision Once parties have terminated a relationship, they must maintain their commitment to the breakup decision. Parties have an obligation to report their case, and to maintain all fiduciary duties formed in the course of the relationship.

Comment:
a. Mandatory adherence. The decision to dissolve a relationship can cause revolutionary change in the course of people's lives. Constitutional theory lends guidance at this difficult time. When parties bicker or engage in low-level disputes, they participate in "normal politics." The breakup decision, however, rises to the higher level of a "constitutional moment."⁸⁸ The parties see more clearly at this time than at any previous moment, and when they break up, they commit themselves to a new way of life. A breakup is comparable to a constitutional amendment, which can only be changed through the procedurally rigorous amendment process. Once all defenses have been aired, and the litigation is resolved, parties should adhere to the dissolution judgment, no matter how difficult it may be.

b. Division of property; adverse possession. While community property principles generally apply-i.e., parties take out those possessions that they took in-adverse possession also plays an important role in distribution of property after a breakup.

Illustration:

B, who perennially wears L's sweatshirt, generally can keep it.⁸⁹

c. Reporting of cases. Parties contribute to the development of the common law of love by orally reporting their cases. They do so by telling their stories to friends and acquaintances, even as the stories are unfolding.⁹⁰ The Reporters anticipate that this informal reporting method will ultimately be replaced by an official, centralized reporter system.⁹¹

d. Maintaining fiduciary duties. The parties' fiduciary duties to each other persist after dissolution. In particular, the duty of confidentiality to former parties endures long after a relationship ends. This duty is designed to protect parties to a former relationship. Note that fulfillment of the duty enhances one's reputational value in a new relationship.⁹²

Illustration:

Two coworkers, B and C, are dating. C confides in B about a problem with a superior. Later, after B and C break up, C quits in the midst of an office scandal. B is now dating D, also a coworker. B's fiduciary duty to C prevents B from disclosing the privileged information to D.

_______________

See Footnotes

Call for Comment:

The Restatement is not exhaustive. It merely begins the process of identifying and cataloging the law of love. Readers should not expect to find all applicable areas of the law treated fully and completely. The Reporters anticipate that the project will culminate in the compilation of a complete and authoritative code.

The Reporters invite comment on the foregoing material. Given the gravity of the project, timely evaluation and modification are imperative. In the words of one of our predecessors, Herbert Wechsler, "Nowhere in the entire legal field is more at stake for the community or for the individual."⁹³ Address comments to the American Law Institute members' consultative group on the "Restatement of Love."

JAMIE G. HELLER
GRETCHEN CRAFT RUBIN
Reporters

January, 1997

]]> 2008-02-14 20:56:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,13796678.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,13796678.shtml#comment <![CDATA[爱尚雯婕]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,13029696.shtml

在世界的中心呼唤爱

专辑名称：关于我们
歌手姓名：尚雯婕
发行日期：2007年12月25日
唱片公司：华谊兄弟
专辑语言：国语专辑

　　
在世界的中心呼唤爱
作曲：朱晓明作词：丁一

　　专辑中的了另一首主打歌曲，曲式婉转细腻。一首尚雯婕标志性的旋律，有弦乐衬托的编曲依旧沉稳大气时而舒缓时而爆发。这首歌又一次有力的展示着尚雯婕一直以来的独特文艺气质。区别于小情歌的纠缠复杂，歌词中弥漫着对于爱情走后留下的伤感，诠释着爱至深的另一种伟大。

　　

]]> 2008-01-05 20:14:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,13029696.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,13029696.shtml#comment <![CDATA[49个瓶子，你会选哪个?]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12924289.shtml

我选11。你呢？

答案如下

【0号瓶】灵性解救瓶
你是一个神秘的人，与上天有所连结。你可能有很强的第六感或者灵通的能力。代表这个
瓶子的塔罗牌是“傻瓜”，代表你有一种天真与信任的质量，可以处于浑沌与混乱的情况
中。
你的困难与挑战：目前处于恼怒，混乱的状况。你想要为你的生命找一个出口，但是却无
能为力。现在的你，就像处于最深的黑夜。危机就是转机，转个身，最大的平静就隐藏在
你背后。
你的未来潜能：是一个情绪平衡的人，探寻灵性方面的真理。

【1号瓶】身体解救瓶
你是一个多才多艺，有很丰富创造力的人。但是你习惯将你自己内在的彩虹隐藏起来。代
表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“魔术师”，代表你是一个善于沟通，有创造力的人。
你的困难与挑战：你习惯将你自己的光隐藏起来，虽然你有丰富的内涵，但你无法跟人分
享。长久的隐藏，造成你有习惯性的忧郁。
你的未来潜能：知道他或她的理想，而且能够去实现它们。

【2号瓶】和平瓶
你是一个爱好和平的人，同时拥有很强的直觉力。你的出现，可以抚慰周遭人的心灵。这
一瓶像是海洋，所以也暗示了你喜欢接近海洋，海洋总可以带给你平静与放松。代表这一
瓶的塔罗牌是“女祭司”，代表你的感受很敏锐，可以体察到很细微的事物，可以连结上
天。
你的困难与挑战：你有口难言吗？你有太多的话藏在你的心中吗？因为有太多话没有被说
出来，所以你无法得到内心的平静。
你的未来潜能：喜爱和平，跟自己很和谐地相处，承诺要追求和平。善用与喉咙有关的创
造力（譬如跟演说有关），支持别人。

【3号瓶】心轮瓶
称为心轮瓶，也是双鱼座的瓶子，所以你是以你的心与感觉来过生活。你的心很柔软，很
有爱心，很能站在对方的立场想。代表这一瓶的塔罗牌是“女皇”，代表你习惯照顾他人
，具有母爱的特质。
你的困难与挑战：你觉得无法呼吸吗？觉得胸部没有多余的空间让新鲜的空气进入。你最
近觉得心受伤吗？或者，你长久以来都觉得自己的心一直都没有被照顾到，没有被疼惜到
呢？第二瓶选到这一瓶的你，真的该好好连结你的心，让心中的悲伤释放出来。
你的未来潜能：具有直觉力。能够帮助别人找到他们的方向。具有成为艺术家、老师、和
治疗师的能力。

【4号瓶】太阳瓶
4号称为太阳瓶，绰号叫做智能瓶。所以你是一个很阳光的，很有智能的人。你很有创造力
，喜欢自己动手作一些东西。对你来说，身体最重要的部位是你的胃，胃掌管你的自信，
力量与欲望。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“皇帝”，代表你是一个有领导力。
你的困难与挑战：你是一个过度理性的人，你的理性扼杀了你的感情。你重视目标，忽略
了过程，这使得你的人生看似充满希望，但欲望的追求让你的生命像是阳光过剩的沙漠，
生活紧凑的步调让你的胃肠常常对你发出警讯。
你的未来潜能：在管理和组织方面具有权威和很好的才能，将这些才能跟智能结合。能够
知道来自前世的知识，并且能够利用这些知识。

【5号瓶】日出…日落
5号是狮子座的瓶子，代表你是一个具有领导能力以及王者之风的人。你知道如何善用你所
具有的能量，你常带给周遭的人阳光与热情，也知道如何要到你要的东西。代表这个瓶子
的塔罗牌是“教皇”，代表你很有智能，透过经验而学习，不是透过书本等死的知识来学
习。
你的困难与挑战：你害怕生存不下去吗？你缺乏自信吗？或者你为了掩饰自己生存的恐惧
以及自卑，所以你试着掌控你的生活，你的朋友，你的情人，你的下属。为了生存，你常
紧张得胃痛。
你的未来潜能：具有很多能量，而且能够将这些能量都表达出来。有活力，而且具有个人
特质。

【6号瓶】能量瓶
6号称为能量瓶，也是金牛座的瓶子，所以你很实际，很务实，重视物质生活，也具有很多
的能量。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“爱人”，这代表“爱”是你生命重要的课题，你可以
了解到真正的爱不只是性，还包括你的心与灵性的爱。
你的困难与挑战：挫折感是你现在的生命主题。你觉得心中有很多的愤怒与无奈，使得你
缺乏生命力。你真的需要为你的内在找一个出口，让你内在的能量释放。可能是长久以来
不被接受的愤怒，可能是工作上的挫折，可能是长久以来压抑的性……
你的未来潜能：是一个很勇敢的人，在逆境中也准备好要去爱。

【7号瓶】耶稣被出卖而被捕的花园
你是一个很清楚自己要什么，同时你也有能力去要到你要的东西。同时你也是一个平衡的
人，凡事不容易走到极端。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“战车”，代表你的男性能量与女性
能量很平衡，你很有力量，可以让事情发生。
你的困难与挑战：你最近在担心钱吗？你可能怀疑自己有没有能力可以赚到钱。你可能缺
乏自信，对自己有所怀疑，并且因此而紧张焦虑得胃痛。
你的未来潜能：新时代的先驱，是一个了解人类的苦难和需求的理想家、哲学家。

【8号瓶】埃及的犬头神
8 号瓶叫做Anubis，Anubis是埃及的犬头神，专门守护进入无意识世界的大门。所以你的
灵魂本质跟埃及是有连结的。你常用心中的一把尺去衡量外界与其他的人，同时，你也很
重视平衡。这也让你哲思当中，思考什么是真正的价值与平衡。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是
“调适”或者”正义”，代表你是一个平衡的人，具有内省与向内看自己的能力。
你的困难与挑战：平衡是你目前生命中最重要的课题，凡事太过犹不及皆会带来问题。或
许你最近时而忧郁时而亢奋，但始终找不到内在真正的平静。或许你积压了太多事情没有
表达，或许你已经很久没有跟人说出你内心真正的话。
你的未来：对时间、平衡、公正有很好的感知；有条理，且对平等有特殊的认同（对所有
的人，所有的宗教传统等等）。

【9号瓶】水晶洞…心内之心
你是一个喜欢接近大自然的人，山中海边是你徜徉的地方。你习惯独处，过自己的生活。
你也是一个很具有“心能量”的人，你可以连结你的心，你也可以透过你的心来表达，所
以你的话语具有感动人的力量。
你的困难与挑战：你能自在地表达你的感情吗？我猜不能。这造成你常常胸闷，心肺功能
欠佳。有多久没有找朋友好好地说说话了？有多久没有放开心胸跟人表达了？你的心是不
是被严肃的头脑捆绑住了，使你忘了如何游戏？使你忘了你内在幽默的一面？
你的未来潜能：是一个不自私的人，与自己的潜意识和内在声音都有连结。发现生命中隐
藏的秘密并能诠释它们。

【10号瓶】去拥抱一棵树
你有一颗好心肠，很有爱，很柔软，很慈悲。跟你相处可以使人放松，没有压力。你喜欢
自然，喜欢简单。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“命运之轮”，代表你是一个自在、流动的人
，可以顺着生命之流而改变。
你的困难与挑战：你常莫名地心悸吗？你会有没来由的恐惧吗？如果你仔细倾听你的心，
你会发现你的心在告诉你：我好难过！你积压了太多的感觉在你的心，而你一直没有去看
顾心中的感觉。
你的未来潜能：是一个只带领而不掌控对方的人，给予他人成长的空间。打从心底关心人
类的问题，认知所需要做的事并将它完成。

【11号瓶】一串花朵
11号是处女座的瓶子，所以你是一个纯洁，单纯，干干净净的一个人，宛如处子一般，像
个纯凈的小天使。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“爱欲”，代表你对生命很有多的爱与热情。

你的困难与挑战：你常觉得缺乏爱，缺乏温暖吗？你在亲密关系中有困难吗？你有没有想
过，你可以更爱你自己一些？你可能是个完美主义者，对自己要求甚高，或者，对别人要
求甚高。由于过往的制约，你对自己或别人有很多的期待。
你的未来潜能：是一个强壮、有威力的人，散发出温暖、温柔和强烈的同理心；是一个真
正懂得如何去爱的人。

【12号瓶】新时代中的和平
代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“倒吊者”，代表你是一个很有韧性的人，面对生命中的挑战与
苦难，你总可以将其当作成长的机会。你具有水一般的特质，有弹性，有包容性。
你的困难与挑战：代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“倒吊者”，意思是“透过苦难而成长”，所
以你会不会觉得自己的生命总不顺遂呢？或许你目前的生命就像处在深海一样，有些忧郁
，缺乏阳光，像是找不到出路一般。
你的未来潜能：是一个和平、用“心”的感觉来反应的人。与个人的感觉和本能的智力有
很深的连结。

【13号瓶】新时代中的改变
13号是巨蟹座的瓶子，所以你是一个顾家，恋家的人。你很重感情，喜欢一群人在一起的
感觉。13号瓶叫做“新时代中的改变”，所以面对改变以及分离的情况时，可以让你真正
连结到你的心。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“死神”，代表你作事喜欢干净利落，对于事情
可以快刀斩乱麻。
你的困难与挑战：你害怕离别吗？你害怕改变吗？你害怕失落吗？回想一下过往关于离别
，死亡，改变与失落的经验，你真的让这些经验过去了吗？还是你的心里仍然留有不舍，
悲伤与执着于过去？因为无法放手，所以你的心里留着十年前朋友给你的小纸条，留着小
时候的旧衣服，留着前前前男友或女友的照片，留着小学老师跟你说过的一句话……
你的未来潜能﹕是一个清楚且仁慈地传授知识的领导者，同时也能证实你的远见。

【14号瓶】新时代中的智能
代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“艺术”，代表你有能力将不同的事物整合在一起，有能力面对
极端的状况。你的灵魂本质带着智能的质量，这种智能是属于新时代的智能，而不是老掉
牙的传统与想法，所以你可能有不同于一般人的洞见与智能。
你的困难与挑战：你知道聪明与智能的差别吗？前者来自于外在，譬如书本，知识，别人
的建议；后者来在于你的内在以及你自己的生命经验，你可能很聪明但缺乏智能。
你的未来潜能：是一个在新时代中受过启示，非常重要的先锋，并与自己内在智能结合的
人，散播和谐与平衡的观念，能感受到深度的喜悦。

【15号瓶】新时代中的治疗
你是一个具有治疗天份的人，这里所说的治疗是属于灵性上的治疗，同时你的直觉力也很
强，对于周遭人的心情和能量感受灵敏。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“恶魔”，代表你是一
个可以面对现实的人，很实际，面对现实生活中的限制，你可以幽默地面对。
你的困难与挑战：你最近有遇到什么让你悲伤的事吗？还是你以前曾经遇过什么让你悲伤
的事吗？这些在你内心深处的悲伤，让你感到生命空洞，茫然。
你的未来潜能：是一个强壮而有权威的人（正面意义），具有灵性的力量。即使在最不利
的环境中也坚持自己的信念。

【16号瓶】紫袍
你跟灵性，宗教，修行很有缘分。你可能带有很强的直觉力与灵通能力，这种能力可以治
疗他人的身心。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“塔” ，代表你有能力释放掉老旧的自我模式与
习惯。
你的困难与挑战：你想待在你的身体吗？我的意思是：你想留在地球上吗？或许你常觉得
自己像个外星人，你的想法，感觉，行事风格，人生观……都与一般人不同。
你的未来潜能：是一个与神性计划一致的人，并将的生活建立在此观念上，经常获得自发
性的“开悟经验”。

【17号瓶】抒情诗人，希望
这个瓶子叫做“抒情诗人”，所以你的灵魂中带着一种诗意以及浪漫的特质。你具有创作
的天份，而且创作的来源是你的心以及来自上天的灵感。在创作的时候，你会觉得有股能
量来到你身上，是这股能量在创作，而不是你。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“星星”，代表
你具有很深的“信任”的质量。
你的困难与挑战：你最近常感到失望，绝望吗？你觉得胸闷，呼吸不顺，有一种快要窒息
的感觉吗？再更深的去感觉，你的内在是不是留了一些悲伤，这股悲伤，让你关闭你的心
，好让你不需要去感觉。
你的未来潜能：对灵性和隐藏在生命中的奥秘充满兴趣，经由对人的爱和帮助人们与他们
的灵性连结而经验喜悦。

【18号瓶】埃及瓶，潮流的改变
这是一个埃及瓶，所以你会不会觉得对埃及有兴趣？或者觉得跟埃及很有连结呢？这个瓶
子具有一股王者的质量，你有没有发现你的灵魂本质有着王者与尊贵的品质呢？代表这个
瓶子的塔罗牌是“月亮”，代表你给人一股神秘、未知的感觉，摸不透真正的你是如何的
。
你的困难与挑战：你总是在追逐欲望，物质上，感情上，心灵上……各式各样的欲望，你
试着让自己充满希望，充满阳光般的感觉。
你的未来潜能：按照自己的梦想来安排人生的人，具有改变的勇气，并享受人生目的的实
现。

【19号瓶】生活在物质世界里
这是魔羯座的瓶子，所以你是一个实际，务实，理性，稳重，脚踏实地与负责任的人。你
重视成就，常能爬到一个较高的位置。你有很好的社交能力，能与许多人建立起关系，并
且保持联系。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“太阳”，所以你是一个重视合作关系的人，你可
以改变自己让合作的关系保持和谐。
你的困难与挑战：你有两个极端的面，一部分的你实际，理性；另一部分的你灵性，感性
。这在你的内心造成一种分裂，使你感到矛盾。
你的未来潜能：跟自己和谐地相处，也把这种感觉传递给别人，拥有很多能量，包括灵通
的能量，别人会感觉像磁铁般地为你所吸引。

【20号瓶】星星小孩
这是双子座的瓶子，所以你的特质是喜欢变化，会在两极端摆荡，思绪敏捷，善于处理讯
息，善于沟通。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“重生”，代表你有能力让自己站到一个较高的
角度来看事情，也就是说透过内省，你可以放弃原有的僵化思考，接受一个较新的观点。

你的困难与挑战：你能想象你自己的内在有一个小孩子吗？事实上，每个人内在都有一个
小孩子，即使是七八十岁的老人。当我们可以照顾好自己内在的小孩时，我们可以变老，
变成熟，但同时拥有小孩般的纯真。
你的未来潜能：一个乐观主义者，能够以建设性的方式来善用乐观主义。具有很深的内在
祥和，而且已经免于恐惧。

【21号瓶】新开始的爱
你是一个成熟与圆融的人，你可以耐心的等待适当的时机让事情自然发生。你给人一种春
天的气息，可以滋养你周遭的人，给人一种生意盎然的感觉。代表这个瓶子的塔罗牌是“
宇宙”，代表你是一个放松与无为的人，你有能力让事情自然地完成。
你的困难与挑战：你的心受伤了吗？你需要被爱吗？你真的该好好让过往心中的伤口被疗
愈，否则，你如何有空间让新的爱进来呢？你的心需要爱来滋养，但首先从对自己的爱做
起。
你的未来潜能：一个带着最高的觉知力和拥有真正成熟个性的人，爱神也爱人。是一个给
予和接受爱的人，用建设性的方式传达爱（例如，由写作、艺术、公开演说，同时也透过
家族的圈子中）。

【22号瓶】重生之人的瓶子，唤醒
你是一个阳光与温柔的人，你像太阳一般给人开心的能量，也同时给人温暖的照顾。代表
这个瓶子的塔罗牌是第二轮回的“傻瓜”，代表你具有傻瓜天真与单纯的质量，但这种天
真与单纯却保有成熟与历练过的质量，而不是给人幼稚的感觉。
你的困难与挑战：你会不会觉得自己的自信心不足呢？你会不会觉得自己的内心缺乏阳光
的感觉？你会不会觉得你不知道自己要什么？就算你要到你要的，心里还是有股不满足？
让我们再走深一些，这一切都源自于你缺乏对自己的爱。
你的未来潜能：一个新时代的教师，过着很着根于大地的灵性生活。与神性的智能连结，
所以有被解放的感觉。

【23号瓶】爱与光
你是一个很柔软的人，具有女性温柔的特质，你待人很和善，很包容，愿意去照顾与体贴
他人。
你的困难与挑战：“我要爱”，就是这一瓶代表的讯息。为什么你这么渴望爱呢？你是不
是期待某个浪漫的夜晚，有一个迷人的伴侣会送你一束花，然后共进浪漫的晚餐呢？如果
现在那个人还没出现，何不多爱你自己一些，送自己一束美丽的人，带自己去吃一顿好吃
的晚餐呢？你可能会问：如何爱自己呢？那我会告诉你：接受所有的你自己，不管好的或
不好的你。
你的未来潜能：迫切地想要了解自己和实现自我认知（例如，透过治疗、静心等等），以
正向和务实的态度接受命运。

【24号瓶】新的讯息
这个瓶子跟金星的能量息息相关，所以你的灵魂跟爱与美的能量有很深的连结。这个瓶子
也暗示你有当媒人的天分，你可以帮助周遭的人找到他们的灵魂伴侣。这个瓶子中显示你
是一个浪漫的人，喜欢美丽的，优雅的，享受的感觉。
你的困难与挑战：你会头痛，失眠，思绪烦乱吗？好好想一想，你最近是不是积压了很多
的话，很多的感觉没有表达出来呢？如果最近没有，那可能是你一直都习惯压抑自己的感
情，这可会导致你胸闷，呼吸不顺呢。
你的未来潜能：是一个能因材施教有洞见的人，能唤醒他人的自爱，具有非凡的个人特质
、正直和成熟，把精神贯注在喜悦上。

【25号瓶】恢复期的瓶子，南丁格尔
这个瓶子叫做南丁格尔，显示出你天生具有照顾他人的天份，代表真正的你是一个暧暧内
含光的人，你习惯把自己的光隐藏起来。
你的困难与挑战：你习惯隐藏自己喔，你把你丰富的内涵都封闭起来，怕被人看到。为什
么？你在害怕什么呢？在小时候，当你被看到，被注意到之后会发生什么事呢？因为你习
惯将自己隐藏起来，所以你内在容易累积很多能量，这股能量可能会让你常常感到恼怒，
思绪不断，悲伤，头痛，失眠，甚至可能让别人觉得你很神秘，难以亲近。
你的未来潜能：是一个有很多能量可以给予他人的治疗者，具有往内观照的能力。能完成
计划中的任务。

【26号瓶】惊吓瓶
你是一个喜欢游戏与欢乐的人，你常常像小孩一样咯咯地笑，同时你的笑也会感染到周围
的人。你的感官非常灵敏，重视生活的品味与享受。
你的困难与挑战：你缺乏安全感，可能在最近或过去有受过惊吓的经验，而且那个惊吓的
经验到现在还影响着你。由于缺乏安全感，所以你可能会过度敏感，无法信任他人或者新
的环境，无法真实地展现你所有的一切。
你的未来潜能：一个非常独立的人，富有创造力，具有很深的、直觉性的智能，藉由教别
人而学习，很聪明，而且很小心，做事不会太过火，凡事采取主动，能够感觉很深的喜悦
。

【27号瓶】罗宾汉
这一瓶是射手座的瓶子，所以你爱好自由，不喜欢受约束。这一瓶的名字叫做罗宾汉，代
表你是有一颗好心肠，有正义感，常替人打抱不平。你透过对人的热情来表现你的心。

你的困难与挑战：你是否觉得自己是女人住在男人的身体，或者男人住在女人的身体里呢
？如果你为此而困扰的话，这一瓶罗宾汉可以帮助你。选到这一瓶的你可能因为分手或离
婚协议而苦。
你的未来潜能：是一个成功的人、努力工作、很专心、精力充沛、有决策力。坚定而且自
己依靠自己。

【28号瓶】少女玛莉莲（罗宾汉之配偶）
你是一个看似柔软的人，心肠很好，但却从你的内在散发出一股坚定，不可侵犯的力量，
具有韧性，绿色代表你给人的感觉是舒服的，没有压力的。
你的困难与挑战：你是否觉得自己是女人住在男人的身体，或者男人住在女人的身体里呢
？如果你为此而困扰的话，这一瓶少女玛丽莲可以帮助你。
你的未来潜能：是一个经常以新的、清新的观点来看待事情的先锋。也是一个可靠、快乐
、对自己诚实的人。

【29号瓶】起来，开步走
你是一个动静皆宜的人，你可以热情的与人交往，也可以静静的独处。这个瓶子的名字叫
做“起来，开步走”，所以你是一个具有行动力的人，可以带领周遭的人起身去做一些事
。
你的困难与挑战：你是否常觉得自己在两个极端之间摆荡呢？有时十分火热，外向，有时
非常的冷静，内向。有时像是火山爆发，有时像是处于深海之中。
你的未来潜能：是一个想要改变习俗的改革者。为和平而付出自己、保护别人，希望能给
予人类最好的。

【30号瓶】把天堂带到人间
你外表看似平静，但有一颗火热的心。就像是海底的滚热岩浆，不似火山爆发的猛烈，带
着超高的热度与能量，静静地涌入海里。这一个瓶子叫做“把天堂带入人间”。
你的困难与挑战：你觉得忧郁吗？你觉得自己像是处在很深的海底，感觉幽暗，寒冷，缺
乏阳光。你找不到任何人，或许也不想找任何人。
你的未来潜能：把观念蜕变成行动，对事情看得很清楚，具有超凡的洞察力。

【31号瓶】泉源
你最大的资产就是你的心，透过你的心，你可以将你深层的智能与黄金表达出来。你生活
中最大的资产就是大自然，透过大自然，你可以取得源源不绝的智能。
你的困难与挑战：你缺乏自信吗？你害怕让自己的力量完全展现，或许是因为你的力量与
很大的怒气夹杂在一块，如果你想要寻找人生舞台，往你的自我价值先开始找起。
你的未来潜能：具有外交能力，与人以心相待，建立良好的团队精神，接受责任，不认为
它是负担，反而当成是一种喜悦。

【32号瓶】苏菲亚
你的直觉力很强，有时透过你的直觉，你会说出很有智能的话语，你的思考比较是跳跃式
，乍听之下有些无厘头，但其实有些玄机存在。
你的困难与挑战：有时候你会陷入莫名的恼怒与混乱，思绪烦乱，无法平静。你其实拥有
敏锐的直觉，但是你无法信任自己的直觉，常常以理性与逻辑打压你内在的声音。
你的未来潜能：具有个人魅力和修养，给予别人温暖、支持和注意，自己感觉平静，了解
自然的力量，生活在此刻，能够清楚地与人沟通。

【33号瓶】海豚瓶
这个瓶子叫做海豚瓶，所以你具有海豚的质量：喜欢嬉戏玩耍，爱笑，幽默，喜欢与人亲
近，同时，你拥有很强的直觉力，也具有创作的天份。
你的困难与挑战：在你内心深处想要游戏与放松，但是你却无法游戏与放松。你的头脑要
你不能尽情的表达你的心与感觉，你的头脑让你非常严肃，你的头脑无法允许你自在，你
的头脑扼杀了你的想象空间与直觉力。
你的未来潜能：是一个为和平而工作的艺术家，与直觉和内在导引有连结。努力达成人生
的目的，是一个不容许权威或权威人士反对自己目标的改革者。

【34号瓶】维纳斯的诞生
这个瓶子叫做“维纳斯的诞生”，维纳斯是掌管爱与美的女神，所以你具有天生的美感，
你的外貌，举止，穿着，都散发出美的特质。此外，你也散发出爱的能量，有很好的人缘
。
你的困难与挑战：你觉得没有人爱你，没有人了解你吗？你觉得自己孤单，常被误解吗？
如果是的话，仔细回想一下，你习惯将你自己内心的感觉与感情表达出来吗？
你的未来潜能：是一个在生活中各方面都自给自足的人，不需要外在的帮助、自力更生、
有内在力量。

【35号瓶】仁慈
这一个瓶子叫做“仁慈”，所以你的本质是一个很仁慈的人，愿意包容别人，心胸宽大，
不喜欢与人争执。
你的困难与挑战：你觉得没有人爱你吗？你觉得世界缺乏温暖吗？或者你刚刚分手呢？这
种缺乏爱的感觉，其实源自于你内在很深的悲伤。
你的未来潜能：透过帮助别人而体验到很深的满足，同时也帮助了自己，拥有治疗的天赋
和远程治疗能力（意思是治疗一个不在附近的人）。

【36号瓶】博爱
这个瓶子叫做“博爱”，所以你的灵魂带有博爱的质量，你不只爱你的家人朋友，对于陌
生人也不吝于给予。
你的困难与挑战：你常做白日梦吗？你周遭的人是否常对你说，实际一点，别作梦了。你
常常思绪不断，脑筋大塞车吗？这一切源自于你不够爱自己。你只接受你脑中认为好的部
分，你对自己有很多的期待，所以你内在许多的部分都被你压抑或忽略。
你的未来潜能：觉知到自己人生的目的。无论做什么事情，即使在不太顺利时，也很清楚
地知道自己的内在目标。

【37号瓶】守护天使降临大地
这个瓶子叫做“守护天使降临人间”，所以你与天使的能量有所连结，你对于这个世界带
有一些理想，你想要与人分享这些理想，并且让这些理想落实在这个世界。
你的困难与挑战：你觉得冷吗？我说的是你心里的冷，生命中有些忧郁，像是独自待在三
千公尺下的深海一般；生命中有些不想被碰触悲伤，使你有如飘在天空，胡思乱想，脱离
现实。
你的未来潜能：跟随自己的理想，有修持、灵感和很好的直觉，用自己的行为显现出人生
是多么成功和有效率。

【38号瓶】抒情诗人，洞察力
这个瓶子叫做“抒情诗人”，指出你具有一颗善感的心，并且可以透过文字，绘画，音乐
等创作加以抒发；此外，你也是一个优雅及充满诗意的人，喜欢徜徉于大自然之中，像山
中舞动的精灵一般。
你的困难与挑战：你的心好吗？你有多久没有倾听你的心了呢？你了解你自己的感觉吗？
你愿意释放你的心吗？你的心可能常对你说：我好难过，我好失望，我好高兴，我好生气
，我想要这个，我想去那里……
你的未来潜能：具有自然的威严和很好的个人特质，与自己的心有连结，同时对社会有强
烈的情感。

【39号瓶】埃及瓶，演布袋戏的人
这一瓶叫做“埃及瓶”，代表你的灵魂本质与埃及有所连结，所以你可能对古埃及文明会
有兴趣或特别向往，你容易连结上灵性的讯息与知识，并且具有教导他人的能力，可能是
一个灵性的导师。
你的困难与挑战：你相信你自己拥有智能吗？不是念很多书，听很多人说的那种外来的聪
明才智，而是发自你最内在的智能。
你的未来潜能：具有改变世界的力量，同时了解这个改变必须从一个人的内在开始，从行
动中找到了自由，享受知识的获得并将它传授给别人。

【40号瓶】我是
这是牡羊座的瓶子，代表你是一个热情，直接，行动力强与负责任的人，同时具有领导者
的特质。这个瓶子的名字叫做“我是”，所以你独立，勇于做自己，就是呈现出自我原本
的模样。
你的困难与挑战：你无法做自己，总是担心别人的看法，受别人的意见影响，这源自于你
缺乏自信，缺乏勇气去做自己。缺乏自信的你可能会处于另一个极端：因为恐惧而控制，
指责别人，自我中心。
你的未来潜能：内在带着很深的智能，并能将它表达出来。已很接近觉醒时刻，意思是在
自我的探索中已经走过了一段很长的旅程。

【41号瓶】智能瓶
这个瓶子叫做“智能瓶”，代表你是一个很有智能的人，可以独立思考，不盲从，带着清
晰的眼光来看待世界。
你的困难与挑战：你常被欺负吗？你的界线常被人侵入吗？你觉得自己不受重视吗？如果
是的话，请问你：你重视自己吗？你觉得自己有价值吗？
你的未来潜能：在生活的每个层面里，是一个农夫，意思是耕作、收成，很和谐地生活在
大自然的韵律中，用“自然”的角度来看待事情。

【42号瓶】收成
你是一个阳光般的人，常常可以带给周遭的人快乐，就像太阳一般，溶化人冰冷的心，你
是一个聪明与理性的人，擅长逻辑性的思考，你清楚知道自己要的是什么。
你的困难与挑战：你只重视目标不重视过程，你喜欢追求欲望却忽略了享受过程。你是一
个理性的人，你善于计划，重视逻辑，却忽略了你的感情，你的直觉，你的心。
你的未来潜能：是一个仁慈、和谐的“阳光”人物，从行动中也可以反映出这点（例如，
可能具有舞蹈天份），跟随着自然的流、跟随着生命的流。

【43号瓶】创造力
这一瓶是水瓶座的瓶子，代表你内在有一个部分是理性的，爱好自由的，你重视人道主义
，对于环境保护等新时代的议题具有热诚。这个瓶子叫做“创造力”，代表你拥有无穷的
创造力，可能是在艺术方面，也可能是在生活或工作上展现。
你的困难与挑战：你的心想唱歌，可是你不给它唱；你的心想跳舞，可是你不给它跳；你
的心想游戏，可是你不给它玩；你的心想表达，可是你掐住它的脖子。
你的未来潜能：是一个追求真理的人，经常检讨自己，感觉很和谐，展现“头脑的伸缩性
”，意思是你是个富有弹性的人，容易接纳新的事物。

【44号瓶】守护天使
这个瓶子叫做“守护天使”，代表你跟天使的能量有所连结，你可能跟天使或外星人有过
第三类接触，你的人就像这个瓶子的感觉：干干净净的，很可爱。你跟灵性，宗教或修行
有缘分，如果你有接触静心，你很容易可以感受到很深的平静。
你的困难与挑战：你有着淡淡的忧愁，小小的自闭，做事情总缺少了那一分力气，无精打
采。你有些梦幻，想法总是不切实际。你不想跟人联络，什么事都不想做，但独自一人却
感到寂寞，无法享受单独，无法得到平静。
你的未来潜能：是一个蜕变过的人，解放自己也解放别人，肩负和平的任务，与上帝有连
结，并以务实的方法蜕变神的旨意与神共同创造。

【45号瓶】爱的气息
这个瓶子叫做“爱的气息”，你的灵魂正有着这样的质量：连结着心，连结着爱。你容易
为一些生活中的小事而感动：一个小婴儿的笑，一顿好吃的晚餐，情人对你的一个小小的
心意……
你的困难与挑战：你习惯隐藏你自己，你不喜欢被人看见。慢慢的，你越来越不了解自己
，不知道自己想要什么，想说什么，感觉是什么。然后，你开始觉得很难表达自己的感情
，很难连结到你的心，在亲密关系上有困难。
你的未来潜能：接触到古代知识并对这些知识非常了解，是一个敏感的人，具有很强的直
觉力，喜爱人生中所有美的事物。

【46号瓶】漂泊者
你是一个归于中心，稳重，有个禅一般的简单与朴实的质量，同时也连结你的心与感受，
你是一个随遇而安的人，可以以四海为家。
你的困难与挑战：你是不是优柔寡断，常常难以做决定呢？你是否找不到人生的方向，自
己的舞台呢？因为，你其实不知道自己要什么。造成这个现象的深层原因是：你习惯将自
己隐藏起来。
你的未来潜能：是一个忠贞的人，过着归于中心的生活；虽然人生中有盛衰浮沉，但仍信
任整个宇宙存在的运作，“努力工作也努力玩”，无论是何种任务，都将会很完善和彻底
地完成。

【47号瓶】古老的灵魂
你是一个喜欢笑的人，你的笑像柠檬一般，给人清新的感觉，你有很强的直觉力，可能会
无师自通会一些事情，你理性又不失感性，冷静又不失幽默。
你的困难与挑战：你是不是常在两极之间摆荡，有时很high，有时却显得忧郁；有时开怀
大笑，有时突然陷入莫名的恼怒。
你的未来潜能：有超感应的天赋，与更高的我有连结，拥有奥秘学的知识，人生的方向清
晰并以身作则来教导别人。

【48号瓶】治疗的双翅
你是一个非常洁净的灵魂，常常像天使一般守护你的家人及朋友。你的内在有一部分非常
的敏感与纤细，这份敏感与纤细使你可以体察他人的情绪以及内心世界，就如同这个瓶子
的名字“治疗的双翅”。
你的困难与挑战：你就像一面心灵的镜子，可以如实的反映他人的状态，你的内在就像彩
虹般的丰富，可以与上天连结而感到喜悦，你很容易适应环境，很快的可以融入。一个新
的环境当中，你的内在隐藏着无尽的泪水，可能是因为最近发生的事情，也可能是过往甚
至儿时经验累积下来的。这些隐藏的泪水使你头痛，头晕，思绪混乱，精神无法集中。

你的未来潜能：职业往往与灵疗、心理学或心理治疗有关。热爱生命并有很多与他人沟通
的能量。内在有一份很深的相信，可能是很虔诚于宗教的人。感觉自己与上帝和存在“同
一体”。觉知到自己人生的目的。
]]> 2007-12-31 20:24:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12924289.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12924289.shtml#comment <![CDATA[戒｜色]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12869972.shtml     李安导演的《色戒》在香港的票房达到了四千多万。据分析，票房的一个主要的贡献是来自中国大陆的游客，有很多的大陆游客专门到香港看《色戒》的“国际版”。国际版和国内版有什么不同？不同也就在于那删除了的二十分钟左右的情色戏。有人很艺术的说，这二十分钟是全戏的精华所在，因为那关系到女主角的心理变化过程，直接影响其之后所作的惊人决定，是全戏的精髓所在，非看不可，不看不完整。也有人很直白的说，这个片子的最大卖点是什么？不就是看梁朝伟和汤唯的床戏吗？没了这个就看那故事有啥意思？当然每个人是各取所需，但应该说大陆游客到香港看这“三级片”还是很有理由的。
   《色戒》全程在中国内地拍摄，包括所有的床戏。但上影的时候，中国内地上演的只能是“洁版”，而台湾、香港、澳门及世界的其它地方上演的是“足版”。想一想这也挺讽刺的，原产地的人却看不到“原产”的版本。所以有博士愤而上书法院，告他电影总局，不让咱中国大陆同胞看“正版”！不过，结果可想而知，只不过上演一场小闹剧而已。说到底，不能看《色戒》完全版是由国情决定的，谁又能战胜中国的国情呢？
    忽然想到法学家德沃金好像写过“看色情片是公民的权利”之类的文章，又想一下，好像世界大多数的国家都承认这种权利，但中国大陆是不承认这种“低级趣味”的。不知道我们祖国的法学家会不会从这件事得到启发，深入探讨一下我们公民的权利问题呢？或者更作一奇想，美国会不会因为这而指责中国的“人权”有问题呢？
    一切都是无聊时的想法，但有一点很确定的是：在中国大陆，看《色戒》就要“戒色”，这就是国情。

]]> 2007-12-28 23:54:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12869972.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12869972.shtml#comment <![CDATA[噢，你也在这里吗？]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12850850.shtml ]]> 2007-12-27 23:07:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12850850.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12850850.shtml#comment <![CDATA[Merry X' mas]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12785256.shtml ]]> 2007-12-24 22:44:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12785256.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12785256.shtml#comment <![CDATA[08]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12753590.shtml
+08副本

]]> 2007-12-22 22:22:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12753590.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12753590.shtml#comment <![CDATA[墨......哀......]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12723255.shtml ]]> 2007-12-21 21:10:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12723255.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12723255.shtml#comment <![CDATA[Harvard自习室的警句]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12688522.shtml 哈佛图书馆自习室墙上的训言

dog副本
1.此刻打盹，你将做梦；而此刻学习，你将圆梦。
2.我荒废的今日，正是昨日殒身之人祈求的明日。
3.觉得为时已晚的时候，恰恰是最早的时候。
4.勿将今日之事拖到明日。
5.学习时的苦痛是暂时的，未学到的痛苦是终生的。
6.学习这件事，不是缺乏时间，而是缺乏努力。
7.幸福或许不排名次，但成功必排名次。
8.学习并不是人生的全部。但，既然连人生的一部分——学习也无法征服，还能做什么呢？
9.请享受无法回避的痛苦。
10.只有比别人更早、更勤奋地努力，才能尝到成功的滋味。
11.谁也不能随随便便成功，它来自彻底的自我管理和毅力。
12.时间在流逝。
13.现在淌的哈喇子，将成为明天的眼泪。
14.狗一样地学，绅士一样地玩。
15.今天不走，明天要跑。
16.投资未来的人是，忠于现实的人。
17.教育程度代表收入。
18.一天过完，不会再来。
19.即使现在，对手也不停地翻动书页。
20.没有艰辛，便无所获。

英文版：

1. This moment will nap, you will have a dream; But this moment study,you will interpret a dream.
2. I leave uncultivated today, was precisely yesterday perishestomorrow which person of the body implored.
3. Thought is already is late, exactly is the earliest time.
4. Not matter of the today will drag tomorrow.
5. Time the study pain is temporary, has not learned the pain islife-long.
6. Studies this matter, lacks the time, but is lacks diligently.
7. Perhaps happiness does not arrange the position, but succeeds mustarrange the position.
8. The study certainly is not the life complete. But, sincecontinually life part of - studies also is unable to conquer, what butalso can make?
9. Please enjoy the pain which is unable to avoid.
10. Only has compared to the others early, diligently diligently, canfeel the successful taste.
11. Nobody can casually succeed, it comes from the thoroughself-control and the will.
12. The time is passing.
13. Now drips the saliva, will become tomorrow the tear.
14. The dog equally study, the gentleman equally plays.
15. Today does not walk, will have to run tomorrow.
16. The investment future person will be, will be loyal to the realityperson.
17. The education level represents the income.
18. One day, has not been able again to come.
19. Even if the present, the match does not stop changes the page.
20. Has not been difficult, then does not have attains

]]> 2007-12-20 09:53:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12688522.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12688522.shtml#comment <![CDATA[呐喊]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12584099.shtml ]]> 2007-12-15 12:17:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12584099.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12584099.shtml#comment <![CDATA[道理]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12583557.shtml ]]> 2007-12-15 11:49:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12583557.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12583557.shtml#comment <![CDATA[冷静.热情]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12582814.shtml ]]> 2007-12-15 11:08:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12582814.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12582814.shtml#comment <![CDATA[命运.呼叫.转移]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12495701.shtml ]]> 2007-12-10 22:12:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12495701.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12495701.shtml#comment <![CDATA[一日游]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12473593.shtml
qi2副本

]]> 2007-12-09 20:38:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12473593.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12473593.shtml#comment <![CDATA[怯]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12445973.shtml ]]> 2007-12-08 12:24:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12445973.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12445973.shtml#comment <![CDATA[BS]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12340801.shtml bs副本

]]> 2007-12-01 14:02:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12340801.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12340801.shtml#comment <![CDATA[近视]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12205402.shtml ]]> 2007-11-24 22:22:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12205402.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12205402.shtml#comment <![CDATA[childish]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12045578.shtml ]]> 2007-11-18 22:25:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12045578.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12045578.shtml#comment <![CDATA[十年]]> http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12027554.shtml

10年。

10年前，没想到我的明天是今天；
今天，我在努力想10年后的明天。

也没想到我竟然搞了个黑白的图出来。 ]]> 2007-11-18 00:08:00.0 http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12027554.shtml http://jeric05.blogcn.com/diary,12027554.shtml#comment